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1.

the smell of ships
sailing at sunrise
seagulls sing

I see the poems
that I love so much
written in black ink
my smile fades
as I remember his hair

2.

thunderbolt
the rain going away
is heard by a lion

I can smell
clouds gathering
above my head
I wonder if the rain
will wash my sorrow away

3.

lost ship
a man wandering
through the fog

that piano brings
bad memories
again in my life
those unwanted feelings
how I've missed them...

4.

London bridge
falling down
the fair lady dreams

yellow leaves
fell in the lake
that day
I wished my memories
could drown too

5.

sinking ship
hiragana falling
on my head

an owl watches
the handmade sunset
painted on my eyes
the laziness acquired
with years of training

6.

water's music
at a waterfall
the frog's nightmare

the cold air
stands still
I can feel
my thoughts disappearing
in the storm inside my mind

7.

iron hell
the smell of a traffic jam
burning all night

my back hurts
from carrying the books
I used to study
if only all my problems
were as simple as a count...

8.

winter sunset
at the park
a kissing couple

those old trees
are full of old memories
from the past
now they have seen
two couples chatting

9.

white river
at his room
crumpled poetry

the setting sun
watches the moon
rising alone
I wonder where the tides
will leave me now

10.

computer desk
math problems
and painted flowers

watching the sunset
as I enter
my house
who can know
where he lives now?

11.

fire covers
that ready arrow
pen at the table

morning came
bringing yawns to my eyes
if I were the sun
I wouldn't shine
only on you

12.

inner demons
the moment before
he says "I do"

a modern video
comparing the size
of stars
some still believe
they have five points

13.

morning moonset
the painful silence
burning my ears

shadowy images
are all I can see
without my glasses
I can read only
my friends' minds

14.

winter evening
a cat jumps in
dogfood

winter passing
by my window
the same clouds

winter wind
his conscience
yelling at him

whispering
in his ear
winter passes

drawing
his face
winter

sketching
mountains
wintery wishes

people go
to the beach
warming winter

clouds passing
through my window
not a single raindrop
in my mind
the warm winter comes

15.

counterpoint
he sings in tune
with the discussion

hearing Bach
and the sound of cars
resonating in my mind
the memory of
that black-haired man

16.

barefoot
in his house
freezing wind

the taste of clouds
deep in the sky
in this winter night
I see the shadows
in his eyes

17.

vacation starts
passing the day
in fever

clouds pass
through the sky
my mind
slowing the pace
of my eyes

18.

vacations
cough

my mind
slowing
the pace
this winter
can't become colder

19.

winter night
fireworks
for no reason

winter night
few clouds
and many stars
I'm at home
playing Mario

20.

humid morning
hummingbirds
in my house

the warm sun
gave way
to cold clouds
a termometer makes sure
my fever has stopped

21.

fireflies
away from us
winter

cold feet
warm hands
quick fingers
someone has been
typing too much

22.

winter
falling
leaves

ravens flying
in the sky
among clouds
the car runs
to the hospital

23.

fish
fishing
water

a lady walks
with her umbrella
the sunny days
start their
vacation

24.

yelling
at a mouse
computer store

hearing coughs
all day long
he stops to think
about the weather
of his mind

25.

night comes
at my feet
dust

dust
illuminated by
moonlight
if only he could
follow that way

26.

capitalism
drowning in
plastic toys

the piano
cannot stop
his mind spins
around the memories
of cloudy days

27.

winter morning
pigeons gather
to eat chocolate

old trees
near his house
shaking in the wind
he writes all day long
to escape from the cold

28.

lunch debate
a fork
in the street

sunshine
shining upon
his book
he can't resist reading
the last chapter

29.

contest
the bird louder
than the phone

the urban noise
entering his nose
in a traffic jam
he can only finish
that crossword

30.

an ice cream
on winter
mirage

winter
opening the window
only clouds
reflected by
a broken glass

31.

the last day
of july
tiring vacations

winter morning
he sees
a lonely kite
the cloudy sky
brings him joy
©2009 *Sano-Balron
:iconsano-balron:

Author's Comments

July Haikuthon has started! Due to a little problem in my connection, I was unable to put this up yesterday, but here it is! What is the July Haikuthon, you might ask? It's simply a group of poets who post one haiku a day for the entire month (in my case, I've decided to post a haiku and a tanka a day), and review and comment other people's haiku in order to help people and become better poets themselves. If you want more details, you can see =Iscariot-Priest's journal here: [link]

Comments


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:iconsolarts:
These are lovely so far!!! I especially like haiku 1 and tanka 1. Tanka 1 is just beautiful - a great sense of the classical structure and depth of emotion. Nice. I also really like haiku 2 - as it makes me 'become lion' at the end. It starts and I am a human, but when I suddenly realise it is a lion listening everything changes. Brilliant!!

The second tanka is also good although he rain/pain rhyme is a little weird for me. Any thoughts??

I look forward to seeing how this develops my friend.

;)

--
"We are intent on reducing art to its simplest expression, which is love." (Andre Breton)
:iconsano-balron:
I'm very glad you like them! And I can see your point about that awkward rhyme... perhaps "sorrow" instead of pain?

--
Life is absurd; live with that.

Proud admin of The Haiku Club
:icondeathlyxxxalive:
I like the alliteration in haiku #1 very much--maybe since you have the twisted sensory description in the first line (smell of ships) you could play around with that throughout the rest of the poem? The alliteration would probably support a few convoluted images. Just a suggestion. Good job though. (:

--
"There will always be something to ruin our lives, it all depends on what or which finds us first. We are always ripe and ready to be taken."
-Charles Bukowski
:iconsano-balron:
Would you believe I hadn't perceived the alliteration until your comment? :stupidme:

--
Life is absurd; live with that.

Proud admin of The Haiku Club
:iconmahi-fish:
This is a wonderful set so far. I especially like the first tanka. The second tanka and third haiku are great too! I can't wait to see how this goes for you!
:iconsano-balron:
I'm very glad you liked them! :D

--
Life is absurd; live with that.

Proud admin of The Haiku Club
:iconsolarts:
Yeah - sorrow seems to work I think.

:)

--
"We are intent on reducing art to its simplest expression, which is love." (Andre Breton)
:iconsano-balron:
Just decided to change the last line of tanka 3 - it makes it stronger, IMO.

--
Life is absurd; live with that.

Proud admin of The Haiku Club
:iconmahi-fish:
I like the tanka in number four, but I wanted to make a couple suggestions if you don't mind.

In the first line, I'm not sure that 'those' adds anything. Taking it out, the poem seems to mean the same thing. In the second and fourth lines if you play just a tiny bit with phrasing, you can get away from the past tense. I think that these poems benefit from the present tense whenever possible. If you shift to the present tense, then 'that day' would no longer make sense. It could as easily be 'today' though. (I played with a couple other things, but that's just me tinkering). As always, use what you like, and discard what you don't. I love the piece no matter where you take it. Here's my suggestion:

yellow leaves
fallen in the lake
today
I wish memories
could drown too
:iconsano-balron:
Thank you very much, I appreciate your suggestions! ^^ However, I think the past tense here would be something essential... Specially because it's winter here (:P) , but also because without it L3 doesn't "works" as a pivot line. Also, tanka are somewhat less restrictive about tense, because it often deals with memories. But anyway, I was looking for a way to make it shorter, and you just said how. Thank you very much :D

--
Life is absurd; live with that.

Proud admin of The Haiku Club

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