1.
the smell of ships
sailing at sunrise
seagulls sing
I see the poems
that I love so much
written in black ink
my smile fades
as I remember his hair
2.
thunderbolt
the rain going away
is heard by a lion
I can smell
clouds gathering
above my head
I wonder if the rain
will wash my sorrow away
3.
lost ship
a man wandering
through the fog
that piano brings
bad memories
again in my life
those unwanted feelings
how I've missed them...
4.
London bridge
falling down
the fair lady dreams
yellow leaves
fell in the lake
that day
I wished my memories
could drown too
5.
sinking ship
hiragana falling
on my head
an owl watches
the handmade sunset
painted on my eyes
the laziness acquired
with years of training
6.
water's music
at a waterfall
the frog's nightmare
the cold air
stands still
I can feel
my thoughts disappearing
in the storm inside my mind
7.
iron hell
the smell of a traffic jam
burning all night
my back hurts
from carrying the books
I used to study
if only all my problems
were as simple as a count...
8.
winter sunset
at the park
a kissing couple
those old trees
are full of old memories
from the past
now they have seen
two couples chatting
9.
white river
at his room
crumpled poetry
the setting sun
watches the moon
rising alone
I wonder where the tides
will leave me now
10.
computer desk
math problems
and painted flowers
watching the sunset
as I enter
my house
who can know
where he lives now?
11.
fire covers
that ready arrow
pen at the table
morning came
bringing yawns to my eyes
if I were the sun
I wouldn't shine
only on you
12.
inner demons
the moment before
he says "I do"
a modern video
comparing the size
of stars
some still believe
they have five points
13.
morning moonset
the painful silence
burning my ears
shadowy images
are all I can see
without my glasses
I can read only
my friends' minds
14.
winter evening
a cat jumps in
dogfood
winter passing
by my window
the same clouds
winter wind
his conscience
yelling at him
whispering
in his ear
winter passes
drawing
his face
winter
sketching
mountains
wintery wishes
people go
to the beach
warming winter
clouds passing
through my window
not a single raindrop
in my mind
the warm winter comes
15.
counterpoint
he sings in tune
with the discussion
hearing Bach
and the sound of cars
resonating in my mind
the memory of
that black-haired man
16.
barefoot
in his house
freezing wind
the taste of clouds
deep in the sky
in this winter night
I see the shadows
in his eyes
17.
vacation starts
passing the day
in fever
clouds pass
through the sky
my mind
slowing the pace
of my eyes
18.
vacations
cough
my mind
slowing
the pace
this winter
can't become colder
19.
winter night
fireworks
for no reason
winter night
few clouds
and many stars
I'm at home
playing Mario
20.
humid morning
hummingbirds
in my house
the warm sun
gave way
to cold clouds
a termometer makes sure
my fever has stopped
21.
fireflies
away from us
winter
cold feet
warm hands
quick fingers
someone has been
typing too much
22.
winter
falling
leaves
ravens flying
in the sky
among clouds
the car runs
to the hospital
23.
fish
fishing
water
a lady walks
with her umbrella
the sunny days
start their
vacation
24.
yelling
at a mouse
computer store
hearing coughs
all day long
he stops to think
about the weather
of his mind
25.
night comes
at my feet
dust
dust
illuminated by
moonlight
if only he could
follow that way
26.
capitalism
drowning in
plastic toys
the piano
cannot stop
his mind spins
around the memories
of cloudy days
27.
winter morning
pigeons gather
to eat chocolate
old trees
near his house
shaking in the wind
he writes all day long
to escape from the cold
28.
lunch debate
a fork
in the street
sunshine
shining upon
his book
he can't resist reading
the last chapter
29.
contest
the bird louder
than the phone
the urban noise
entering his nose
in a traffic jam
he can only finish
that crossword
30.
an ice cream
on winter
mirage
winter
opening the window
only clouds
reflected by
a broken glass
31.
the last day
of july
tiring vacations
winter morning
he sees
a lonely kite
the cloudy sky
brings him joy














Comments
The second tanka is also good although he rain/pain rhyme is a little weird for me. Any thoughts??
I look forward to seeing how this develops my friend.
--
"We are intent on reducing art to its simplest expression, which is love." (Andre Breton)
--
Life is absurd; live with that.
Proud admin of The Haiku Club
--
"There will always be something to ruin our lives, it all depends on what or which finds us first. We are always ripe and ready to be taken."
-Charles Bukowski
--
Life is absurd; live with that.
Proud admin of The Haiku Club
--
Life is absurd; live with that.
Proud admin of The Haiku Club
--
"We are intent on reducing art to its simplest expression, which is love." (Andre Breton)
--
Life is absurd; live with that.
Proud admin of The Haiku Club
In the first line, I'm not sure that 'those' adds anything. Taking it out, the poem seems to mean the same thing. In the second and fourth lines if you play just a tiny bit with phrasing, you can get away from the past tense. I think that these poems benefit from the present tense whenever possible. If you shift to the present tense, then 'that day' would no longer make sense. It could as easily be 'today' though. (I played with a couple other things, but that's just me tinkering). As always, use what you like, and discard what you don't. I love the piece no matter where you take it. Here's my suggestion:
yellow leaves
fallen in the lake
today
I wish memories
could drown too
--
Life is absurd; live with that.
Proud admin of The Haiku Club
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