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Written as a response to [link] . Here are the rules of this game:
1. Reply to this poem in haiku form.
2. Then post the poem as a new deviation called "Link 2: Haiku Chain Gang" and include the instructions and rules. Obviously replies to your poems will be called "Link 3" and replies to those would be "Link 4" so on.
3. Make sure to put a link to the poem you are responding to in the Artist Comments too.
3. Then leave a comment and link for the poem you are responding too so that they can add it to their Artists Comments.
4. Then wait to see more poems arrive and add them to the Artists Comments.
5. And so on.
Anyone is welcome to continue the chain!
1. Reply to this poem in haiku form.
2. Then post the poem as a new deviation called "Link 2: Haiku Chain Gang" and include the instructions and rules. Obviously replies to your poems will be called "Link 3" and replies to those would be "Link 4" so on.
3. Make sure to put a link to the poem you are responding to in the Artist Comments too.
3. Then leave a comment and link for the poem you are responding too so that they can add it to their Artists Comments.
4. Then wait to see more poems arrive and add them to the Artists Comments.
5. And so on.
Anyone is welcome to continue the chain!
© 2009 - 2024 Sano-Balron
Comments7
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I like this, but it falls into a trap that is best to avoid in haiku - you have given an image and then simply described it, rather than adding to it. What I mean is that "urban air = the smell of sleeping students." My second critique is that the word typical is not needed, because when you say "the smell of sleeping students" we know it is the typical smell - it is superfluous as a word in the poem. Hence, I would cut the poem to:
the smell of sleeping
students
Now, you need some kind of image to begin the poem which will set off the second image, rather than just explaining it or describing it. I was thinking of a sun image because that is what makes people smell. So something like:
afternoon sun-
the smell of sleeping
students
I feel would work a lot better for me.
Just some thoughts. Thanks for keeping the chain alive, and of course whatever you decide will be great I am sure.
the smell of sleeping
students
Now, you need some kind of image to begin the poem which will set off the second image, rather than just explaining it or describing it. I was thinking of a sun image because that is what makes people smell. So something like:
afternoon sun-
the smell of sleeping
students
I feel would work a lot better for me.
Just some thoughts. Thanks for keeping the chain alive, and of course whatever you decide will be great I am sure.